Some days I really miss my old life. I try extremely hard to not resort to that though. It's backwards thinking that will put me right back in depression, where I don't want to be! So just for a moment I'm wanting to remember then I'll move on after this post!
My life before cancer. Let's see. A normal day would consist of getting my daughter up, eating breakfast together, studying for spelling or whatever she might have been doing that day for school...I'd quiz her, it was fun, then off she'd go to school. I'd do my chores, and then whatever the hell I wanted with NO judgement or feeling guilty. That was MY time. I would do anything or nothing! Then Willow would be home, I would help with homework, make dinner, then Ben would be home. He would come in all greasy from working on semi trucks all day long. He'd take a shower, getting everything black. We'd eat dinner together. He was never a big talker but we had some things to talk about some times. He would probably then watch tv or go out in the garage and mess around. I miss that. I miss seeing him in his greasy clothes all dirty from work. I was so proud of him. He worked so hard for us for years. He is so smart and knows his job. Responsible to the t. I miss my alone time. I miss him having things to talk about. I miss our daughter being happy. I miss the house being alive not just surviving like now. We moved into seperate rooms last September. While we sleep better, it makes me sad. I miss snuggling. I miss him so much. And he's just in the other room. All day every day. Sleeping alot. If it's the meds or everything he's been through I'm not sure, depression? Boredom? Not sure. But I sure miss him so much it hurts.
Daughter's home now. Put on my mask now.
Thanks for reading.
No comments:
Post a Comment