PLEASE someone explain to me how a mother can be so damn mean, insecure, crazy all of the above?
I have had not a great relationship with my mother in 33 years. Right now well as of a couple weeks ago, we were at this state of mind like we don't ruffle feathers meaning we don't tell each other much and don't spend much time together, alot of me listening to her on the phone. She has helped us out yes, but not to any large extent.
So presently she lost her job/meaning her lady passed away. She is a caregiver. Things I know, she has another part time person, she need insurance, she has enough money for 3 months her words not mine. So I'm like ok, I've looked online and tried telling her about jobs. I get it she's 60, she is worried and scared. So what does she do, yells and screams at me and tells me I'm losing it. WTF?!!! I haven't talked to her since last week since our last fight on the phone mind you she lives 30 minutes away and that's not enough! So I try calling her I have time I'll look online. And like always we have the exact same conversation. I'm like why are you getting pissed off and yelling at me? I'm trying to encourage her or give her ideas on how to help herself...like cancel cable slow the smoking that is KILLING YOU, I didn't say that but ya know what I mean. She freaks out on me and tells me I'm treating her like she's stupid. I'm like I am encouraging you, I know you are smart I'm just trying to help. WHY? She is so damn mean, and then screams at me that I'm yelling at her, and I do start screaming what is anyone else doing for you? I'm trying to help you, unlike my brother!!! He's too busy helping everyone else to see if his mom could use his help! FRIG!!! So I say / yell I don't want to talk to you until you can treat me nicely, I'm done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She told my daughter last weekend that Oh well I'm not going to let your mom keep you from me again. And my daughter who is ten, says what do you mean again? So I say to her, well your Grandma shouldn't be talking to you about our business, but what happened was, I did not keep her from her. She was a drunk, drug addict who was dating a crackhead for all I know she was doing it as well...I had helped her while being drug through hell a nd I couldn't do it anymore to protect myself and family I stopped all contact with her. Which wasn't hard cuz she wasn't trying to contact us. :/ And why the hell would she bring this up to my daughter? She's an asshole. She's selfish. My mother has never been a mother to me. Yes I had a house and clothes and food. So I guess as far as the law goes she was a mother, but anything else HA. She's put me through so much, between growing up with alcholism and fighting and abuse...I'm a product of my environment. I knew when I grew up what kind of mom I would be and it would be the complete opposite of her.
So recently I took the thinking of I'll take a small part of a relationship with her whatever, I won't ruffle feathers and we will get along at whatever cost. Cuz she is my momand my only family. If you hurt me you are cut out, that's just how it is, after years of both my parents not caring if I lived or died...I've built up my wall and coped as well as I could.
Now, we won't talk. I'm done. I have to be stroong and keep my shit together for my husband and family which she seems to forget that we are struggling to survive I get being scared and not knowing what to do I GET IT! Ben's MRI is next week, she doesn't even know that and if she did would somehow make it about her! She is nuts! She doesn't and won't ever support me on anything I do....she doesn't know about anything I am involved in or come out and support me or my daughter. She did for a bit but quit. And my brother thinks that she does for her, and not his kids. I laughed and told him no she doesn't but I've accepted it! It still pisses me off cuz she makes Willow sad but I tell her that's how it is...tell her how it makes you feel but that probably won't do any good!
SIGH! I need to take a walk! :/
Today we get to go to see Willow in a spelling bee, overall I'm a proud mom and I know we will all be ok, just had to get all that out!
THANKS FOR READING
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