So much on my mind.

so much soooo much on my mind like for example...helping with this fundraiser is becoming something else and not sure I'm strong enough to go on with it for another year.  Not sure I want to.  I like it I want to do what I am doing but I'm exhausted thinking about it all the time.  It makes it hard to not think about cancer everyday when you are raising money for it.  I'm tired and I need a non cancer day. So I woke up and did a few things online some for this yes...and then I stayed away and literally slept most of the day. I needed and need a recharge also a break also to get away for awhile.  Seriously.  am buring myself out trying to keep my mind busy, "moving forward" HA

It's exhausting really.  I went from being depressed and doing nothing all winter to fulfledged so busy I can't see straight.  And right now I"m dizzy and not sure of my point of the point.  :) 

So I keep saying one day at a time one day at a time. I need to refocus and put some time into ME MYSELF and I again. focus on what I need to do for me.  And us.  So tomorrow I finally have an interview, completely NOT in the direction I want so what? It's work, could be just right considering it's 2 minutes up the road and they will hire me only available 15 hours a week....but will they make me miserable and stretch that out as much as possible? That's what I don't want!  I know what I don't want more than I do know what I want hahha. Imagine that one. 

I'm planning Ben's 34th western party, going well I might add. Thankfully his cousin is planning on helping with making a wooden jail scene so we can use it for a photo prop LOVE IT!  I just want to invite everyone and have fun!  I got me some boots!  :) heehee  got his invite done and we'll just have to decorate and make food and a guitar cake and cupcakes what else...lol

It is the end of the year for Willow's 4th grade THANK GOD!!!!! omg it's been one helluva year. I've helped more than I have ever helped at school...I am not sure how much I will do next year.  Cuz I'll be in school and hopefully working so I want to give my all.  :)  I'm so tired of fighting with her.  She stayed home a whole week sick, not sure what she had and had to have tests done...they were talking MONO but she's better now.  So going back tomorrow...we had thrown around the idea of homeschool but I don't think we could do it, she's so mean sometimes.  And then apologizes I get it I do being frustrated and unhappy and doing things you dont' want to do.  So I'm the punching bag. 

Onto my mother, she lost the lady she cared for so she needs a job and I was trying to help her and encourage her cuz I could see her getting negative and depressed. And then I became HER punching bag and when I couldn't take anymore we had a big fight, which used to be a normal thing but isn't so much anymore she's never going to be behind me or on my side, that's just how it is...so we aren't speaking this week I need a break! 

Well off to cook dinner and be super woman :(