shitty weekend

I'm not even going to try to sugar coat this post so if you are offended I don't give a crap!

I've had a super shitty week.  I'm stressed to the MAX

I'm tired of fighting with my ten year old and reteach her how to act and behave and to respect us every five seconds.

I'm failing on so many levels. I volunteer at school and girl scouts and so much, that I have burned myself out bad and today it was like wth have I been doing this for? Willow read her mother's day letter at girl scouts and it said something that hurt me so bad and she read it in front of everyone.  I'm devastated. 

I worked so hard for years to be a good mom.  And now I'm failing even if I'm totally working overtime to be close to her I'm still failing.  :( :( :( :( :(

Ben's MRI results are in the AM and I'm scared shitless. He hasn't been feeling 100% lately and I'm really so scared.

It isn't even being negative or having a bad attitude towards it all, I'm trying to prepare myself for bad news. cuz it's possible.  It's not like that what's I expect or want, of course...but I'm so scared this time.  More so than any other time.  That's all I've been thinking about...people complaining and whining and all I can think is that my husband's brain cancer has gotten worse, grown, moved to another place in his brain...I'm so scared.  I ccan't control it, worrying doesn't help, but I have zero coping right now, I'm full fledged freaking out and every little thing is setting me off. I'm ready to walk away from all that I am doing. I'm done. I'm sick to my stomach.  I'm ready to not be involved in anything. I'm ready to walk away and be over it all.  I don't want to have anything to do with cancer period.  I don't care anymore I have no passion...this is my life not jsut something I've been through, we live it every single damn day.  I need a break!!!

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