Things have changed over night again. This time it's almost expected so not much of a shock. When you get handed shit all the time you learn to deal with it better. Ben's Dr told us his MRI showed new enhancement in patches, that could be cancer or not. The only way to know for sure is to have another MRI in 6 weeks and to see if it grows. This showed up over a 6 month period btw. So if it does grow we might know more so what we are dealing with. The Dr mentioned speaking with the neurosurgeon, he might want a biopsy. GULP! We were like eh all the risk of brain surgery and to find out what this is...when we are pretty sure we already know. Not be be negative, it's the way it works. Once you find brain cancer, that's your life. This is our life. I don't want to even write it in his caring bridge page cuz it will make it that much more real when everyone knows...questions...pity, I don't want it and I KNOW Ben doesn't. Ahh my Ben. Why ?
We talked a real talk. He has had brain cancer all the while this is new maybe new brain cancer so that is where the shock doesn't come in quite as bad as the first time around. When people say that they've survived brain cancer for years...it's the hell they went through staying alive I'm wondering about. It's flipping a coin what is more scary the actual treatments or living with the cancer as long as it allows you to. Control is a figment of our imagination. No one has control. We can however control how we deal with things. I'm numb right now but scared and really f'n sad. so I guess I'm not that numb!
I am not ready to lose Ben mentally or physically. :'(
It hasn't even been 2 years since he was first DX and we are back at it already, not a great sign. Not uncommon so I've heard though. This sucks!
Wil's bus just pulled up, we haven't told her yet...
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