I ask myself a few ?s

Days like these when I feel the way I do, I have to ask myself a few questions. ONE am I stressed out? TWO am I overwhelmed? THREE am I PMSing?  I've been working so hard and feeling passionate about this fundraiser for the american cancer society.  Today I'm questioning it all. 

I know that what I am doing is a good thing, but do I want to support a company that won't support you unless you bring in a certain amount of $$$?  Relay for life.  I've read all these books I'm asking people to jump on board, feeling so proud of our relay site, sharing it all the time, people are using it a bit.  Today I had one meeting with our rep.  Well his job is to support local relays.  While I wasn't hearing back from him emails/phone call messages, I would be on fb and decide I'm going to research a bit and find out what I can about who else might be able to help us.  Well turns out when I did this he got called out by his boss, well I don't know. But he was very upset about it. He ended up bringing us things he could gather because he said we are not recognized as a relay, our site isn't real, we aren't a real mini relay, we are attached to a bigger city one...because we don't bring in $25,000.  So what they say they stand for is an f'n joke. This guy was mad at me, cuz he went out of his way to help us bringing us relay gear, yes that is what we wanted, until he started telling us this shit.  Now I'm reconsidering this entire thing, which means everything I've been spending my time on is a waste of f'n time.  Why would we support a business cuz ACS is a business when they wont' support us, meaning letting us borrow items to decorate OR giving out items to survivors.  Makes me sick.  He acted like he was doing us a favor.  And how dare I ask for help from anyone else, cuz he got in trouble? I will never apologize for trying to do my job the best way I know how.  I kept getting dead ends NOW I know who to directly go to. haha suckers.  lol j/k

I dont know what the hell I'm doing.  This is the 2nd fundraiser I've been dissapointed in, I need to reach out a bit.  :( :( :(

volunteering isn't as great as I hoped

I have to figure out what I stand for and what I want to spend my time on

?s

Just Dandy

I'm just too dandy for words. haha
Less emotional this week.  So far it's Monday at 5pm, dinner done, I'm exhausted.  So tired!

How can a 33 year old be so tired, I've always been like this, like I don't have "normal" energy levels. 

So I've been busy planning.  Got my husband, Ben's invite done for his 34th bday, wild west theme! It took me two days and I still am not 100% on it! haha I did however teach myself how to download, legally fonts: http://www.fontspace.com/search/?q=scary&p=3 It is totally legal.  Download and Install. I got some great "cowboy" fonts for the invite! I wish I could get paid to do this kinda thing!  :)  So we are going with Wild West theme, wanted signs, outlaws, red bandanas etc. More will come soon!

I with the help of a friend designed a banner for Hopedale Helps the cancer fundraiser I help with, I think it will be awesome.  We are doing a white background with inspirational words in the same colors as the cancer awareness ribbons and our logo on top of that!

Hopedale Helps Logo, myself and Paul LaBelle designed.

So let's see what else I have been working on the HH agenda.  Thinking of who might EMCEE, I'm working on writing a script as well.  We are a mini relay for life.  More info: www.relayforlife.org/minihopedalehelpsil It's the 3rd year and I've been working really hard at organizing and planning. I hope to create a more fluent, meaningful atmosphere.  I can take this responsibility on, I just don't know how long I'll want to do it for.  I'd like to stretch things out a bit more, I hope people will want to take more on next year.  Alot of people work full time I don't. Alot of people have small kids I don't.  So it's easily on me.  Which I took alot on myself.  Feeling as though if I'm going to join in I better do whatever is in my power to help out.  And I helped last year and I was so bummed that there weren't any ceremonies as advertised, my husband's name wasn't even said as a survivor :(  and they rushed to end the whole event so people missed the luminaria names read.  I am determined to change things!!!  And I hope to be proud of putting my name on this years event.  :) 

Anyways.  Willow is sickie, had to take her to the Dr. today.  Went to town twice $$$ Went to Hobby Lobby, I could spend in there. I bought 4 square canvases ready to hang.  And blue, green, and brown paint.  I also, spurlged on some cheap a$$ paint brushes.  Me and Willow are planning on painting 4 owls 2 each.  I'm super excited. I've been obsessed with owls for years now and I'm plucking them into every single room...I took out all Americana, it's cute just NOT me.  I've gotten a mismatched Frenchish countryish kitchen.  But I want to paint that too.  My livingroom is yellow and I want to add in natural, earthy tones of green and blue and brown.  Like my new room.  :)  I love it. I feel at peace in there.  So I got some plaid curtains from http://www.ltdcommodities.com/  for $17 a pair...black/yellow/beige plaid.  So I can do alot with those.  When my husband got ill someone made us a wall quilt with our photos on it, I need to add to it, it's too plain. so I'm out and about looking for decals for it, owls anyone?  :)  I would love to be able to make photo ledges. They are soo high it's nuts!  Like $30 for one!  I have sooo many photos and I want to take them off the wall and put them on a shelf so I don't have 100 holes and so I can switch them up more often.  :)  It is on my list. I have it in me to change often and to create a homey environment where we all feel comfortable.

:)

It makes me happy and it is the small things that count! 

So I'm volunteering at school 4th grade, working on Hopedale Helps Rummage & Bake Sale, working on advertising, working on donations, working on agendas and scripts, planning Girl Scout end of the year badge finale' and hike in Starved Rock, IL, cannot wait for that! And Ben's 34th bday, getting it all done.  I love to plan it keeps my mind so busy...off of things like follow up MRIs, Ben has one on May 1st, so how many days away is that? Then one week after that we will get the results..our life could change forever again.  :(  Focusing on all these events and planning is a good thing. 

And on top of that looking for a part time job & ready to start college part time in the fall for business essentials.  I have alot to be excited for! Oh and vacation in WI Dells in June!  :) :) :)

Live can be good sometimes have to find those upsides!!! Yes even us with my husband being on disability after waking up one morning with brain cancer, our 10 year old daughter started puberty bwhahahahahaha, and me losing it one day at a time :P