I can do what I can

Sometimes I can't be everything to everyone.
Right now my husband is fighting for his life literally.
He's showing new symptoms and ignoring it.
The stress there is do I call the Dr. or do I respect his wishes and listen to him.
It's always on me.
His mom would call.
And expects me to, cuz it could be something they can fix and might kill him.
So I should call.
But he asked me not to.
Well he said he wants me to listen to him.
And that I could call.
So while I'm being strong or barely able to be strong for him and our daughter and myself to take care of everything in our life.
I might not be able to be there for friends.
Even if they are going through something equally horrible.
I am not being selfish.
I have to save my strength for him.
I shouldn't feel badly.
They have support.
We don't have a lot of support.
Most people don't know what we are going through.
But if I needed help I would ask.
This isn't something anyone could help me on anyway.
I'm just that way.
I want help but will never ask.
Help as in someone please tell me what I should be doing.
How do I care for my 34 year old husband fighting brain cancer?

Today is a new day

Honestly after waking up early and not getting sleep and then sleeping.  I've woken up again this morning with a new outlook on life.  Period.  I will stop whining and feeling sorry for myself at least for today and try to be nicer and more enjoyable to be around.  I love my husband and I have to do this for him for myself for my daughter.  Enough is enough.  I'm going to be real, real kind.


Time is so short.  I'm going to stop counting time and enjoy it.  I have to stop this behavior or I will  never forgive myself.  


I'm hoping for a great day.  focusing on getting them a little something for easter, that's fun, even though I swore I wasn't going to.  A little something will be nice and fun, and I'll make them feel special.  :)  I want to create something with peeps!