I let days fly by

Hm I let days fly by.


Some days I say cleaning and laundry are things I have to do but not need to do.  haha 


Then when I realize how dirty my house is and how no one has clean clothes I feel guilty.


So I waste an entire day cleaning and doing laundry.


Thinking to myself I don't need any of this shit.


I could have 3 outfits and 3 undies and I'd be alright.


haha


I need my computer and music and food


nothing else


no one else


well


I'm so empty right  now.


Waiting on this and that...controlling anxiety lurking right beneath the surface, shhh don't tell me I said so though.  Denial...misspelled every time.


I'm eating to make myself feel better 30lbs later I know it'll fall right off again when Ben goes through this next battle.


No biggie cuz I don't care what I look like.  I wish I could care enough about my health...but I can't right now.  


Tired of being up on my high horse...need a break.


Can't wait for vacation hope I can rise above the crazy and have peace and fun!  I need to do drugs lol  :P


Honestly


seriously


wishful thinking


I've never been a drinker or one for drugs.  


Do they really have fun?  


I can't release though so that could help with that...lol  


oh well it is me


I'm at peace by water and quiet with some music


filling my mp3 this week


can't wait for the river and jacuzzi


ahhh


getting away from it all


taking it with us though


how do you really forget things?


I hope MNL can relax and let go a bit...so Ben isn't driven nuts!  


I wait for the other shoe to drop she waiting and expecting the other anvil to drop


this next week we get seriously scary MRI results.  can't control what already is so not worrying today


so I tell myself


over and over again


he went shooting all day today, he's really nervous this time.


decidely so


Listening to Nirvana makes me remember being younger.  :)