We made it through one week!

Somebody knock on wood. We made it one week without a seizure. GOD I hope this Keppra works for Ben. I couldn't sleep lastnight.

I put my daughter on the bus today...3rd grade adventures...

We kinda had a bad night the other night. Ben's been emotional of course he is, finding out you have a brain tumor isn't something you do everyday. So he ended up frustrated with willow...she didn't really know how serious things are...so he told her. He told her as much as we know. I'm not sure how to handle any of this, she's 8. But if we didn't tell her and something happens to him would she have been mad if she didn't know anything? Or more of a shock. The only thing she said was that she was said cuz who would take her fishing or teach her guitar. She cried a lot. I'm sure it's extremely hard for her to understand. It only sets in with me here and there...I'll be ok and then BAM hits me...I feel like I'm going to pass out and then I bawl.

I feel like I've cried all my tears out. I know that can't be!

Getting a handle on the seizures is a huge deal. He's taking Dilantin and Keppra. The Dilantin isn't working and I guess to cover him they start the new med overlapping the old one and tomorrow he gets his blood checked. And eventually in a month he'll go off the Dilantin. And hopefully the Keppra works. Not one is it scary if he hurts himself...by falling or whatever...but is it going to do any brain damage? Or anything else inside him? It's so scary and I'm the only person who's seen him the two times. Someone who was perfectly healthly one minute to have a seizure ... seems impossible. Seems surreal. I have only left him here and there for like 5 minutes to get our mail...damn small town PO Box bull! I tell him to lay down and not move! And I fly!!! I hate leaving him...and if I want to do anything else I have to find someone to sit with him. I dont know what else to do. He has maybe a few seconds of feeling sick and then BAM! The scariest thing I've ever seen! Too much reality!

I feel like I must grow up and take care of my husband. No happiness is coming from any of this. I'm getting more stressed out about the mountain of bills coming our way...we've already gotten 11,000 worth and that's not even the start! bleh!!! We don't have insurance. We have enough money to live for one month...thanks to his vacation time and friends/family helping us. I'm so getting worried. His medicine alone is so expensive. No insurance sucks. I applied for a med card for him right after his stay the first time it's been a couple weeks and then I did again with my case worker. Someone please send us something! Now waiting for a link card to feed my family. How did all this happen? HOW? We were getting our stuff together and almost happy for a week!

You want to think none of this matters keeping him healthy and alive is what we need to do. But I'm trying to balance and keep things together and I am not sure how much I have in me to get it done. If we didn't have Wil to take care of well...we do soo. Things would be way different. Life goes on...school...activities...

Picking what is most important is still not an easy thing to do. Keeping Ben happy is harder by the minute. If he's not feeling good he's feeling depressed. and bored. We have to wait until sept. 14th...to see the Dr. then probably get referred at that time. LOTS of waiting and we are not patient people. Trying though!

I feel bad for Mae, his mom...she works at a cancer center in the office. And has to go back to work today. After dealing with her son's brain cancer for two weeks now. How is she doing it? I am not sure! I feel for her!

I am hoping for a good day. We get to meet Wil's teacher tonight and Willow is going to help with the girl scout's table recruiting girls! lol I hope they get some!!! :)